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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?